This blind man, an old friend of my wife’s, he was on his way to spend the night. His wife had died. So he was visiting
the dead wife’s relatives in Connecticut . He called my
wife from his in-law’s. Arrangements were made.
He would come by train, a five-hour trip, and my
wife would meet him at the station. She hadn’t seen him since she worked for
him one summer in Seattle ten years ago. But
she and the blind man had kept in touch. They made tapes
and mailed them back and forth. I wasn’t enthusiastic about his visit. He was no one I knew.
And his being blind bothered me. My idea of
blindness came from the movies. In the movies, the blind moved slowly and never
laughed. Sometimes they were led by seeingeye dogs.
A blind man in my house was not something I looked forward
to. That summer in Seattle she had needed a job.
She didn’t have any money. The man she was going to marry at the end of the
summer was in officers’ training school. He didn’t have any money, either. But
she was in love with the guy, and he was in love with her, etc. She’d seen
something in the paper: HELP WANTED—Reading
to Blind Man, and a telephone number. She phoned and went over, was hired on the spot. She
worked with this blind man all summer. She read stuff to him, case studies,
reports, that sort of thing. She helped him organize his little office in the county socialservice
department. They’d become good friends, my wife and the blind man. On her last
day in the office, the blind man asked if he could touch her face. She agreed
to this. She told me he touched his fingers to every part of her face, her
nose—even her neck! She never forgot it. She even tried to write a poem about
it. She was always trying to write a poem. She wrote a poem or two every year,
usually after something really important had happened to her. When we first
started going out together, she showed me the poem. In the poem, she recalled his fingers and the way they had moved around
over her face. In the poem, she talked about what she had felt at the time,
about what went through her mind when the blind man touched her nose and lips.
I can remember I didn’t think much of the poem. Of course, I didn’t tell her that.
Maybe I just don’t understand poetry. I admit it’s not the first thing I reach for when I pick up something to read. Anyway,
this man who’d first enjoyed her favors, this officer-to-be, he’d been her
childhood sweetheart. So okay. I’m saying that at the end of the summer she let
the blind man run his hands over her face, said good-bye 2 to him, married her
childhood etc., who was now a commissioned officer, and she moved away from Seattle . But they’d keep
in touch, she and the blind man. She made the first contact after a year or so.
She called him up one night from an Air Force base in Alabama . She wanted to talk. They talked. He
asked her to send him a tape and tell him about her life. She did this. She
sent the tape. On the tape, she told the blind
man she loved her husband but she didn’t like it where they lived and she
didn’t like it that he was a part of the military-industrial thing. She told
the blind man she’d written a poem and he was in it. She told him that she was
writing a poem about what it was like to be an Air Force officer’s wife. The
poem wasn’t finished yet. She was still writing it. The blind man made a tape. He sent her the tape. She made a tape. This went on for years. My wife’s officer was posted
to one base and then another. She sent tapes from Moody AFB, McGuire,
McConnell, and finally Travis, near Sacramento ,
where one night she got to feeling lonely and cut off from people she kept
losing in that moving-around life. She got to feeling she couldn’t go it
another step. She went in and swallowed all the
pills and capsules in the medicine chest and washed them down with a bottle of
gin. Then she got into a hot bath and passed out. But instead of dying, she got
sick. She threw up. Her officer—why should he
have a name? he was the childhood sweetheart, and what more does he want?—came
home from somewhere, found her, and called the ambulance. In time, she put it
all on tape and sent the tape to the blind man. Over the years, she put all
kinds of stuff on tapes and sent the tapes off lickety-split. Next to writing a
poem every year, I think it was her chief means
of recreation. On one tape, she told the blind man she’d decided to live away
from her officer for a time. On another tape, she told him about her divorce.
She and I began going out, and of course she told her blind man about it. She
told him everything, or so it seemed to me. Once she asked me if I’d like to
hear the latest tape from the blind man. This was a year ago. I was on the
tape, she said. So I said okay, I’d listen to it. I got us drinks and we settled down in the living room. We made ready to
listen. First she inserted the tape into the player and adjusted a couple of
dials. Then she pushed a lever. The tape squeaked and someone began to talk in this loud voice.
She lowered the volume. After a few minutes of harmless
chitchat, I heard my own name in the mouth of this stranger, this blind man I
didn’t even know! And then this: “From all you’ve said about him, I can only conclude—“
But we were interrupted, a knock at the door,
something, and we didn’t ever get back to the tape. Maybe it was just as well.
I’d heard all I wanted to. 3 Now this same blind
man was coming over to sleep in my house. “Maybe I could take him bowling,” I said to my wife. She was at the draining board doing scalloped
potatoes. She put down the knife she was using
and turned around. “If you love me,” she said, “you can do this for me. If you
don’t love me, okay. But if you had a friend, any friend, and the friend came
to visit, I’d make him feel comfortable.” She wiped
her hands with the dish towel. “I don’t have any
blind friends,” I said. “You don’t have any friends,” she said. “Period.
Besides,” she said, “goddamn it, his wife’s just died! Don’t you understand
that? The man’s lost his wife!” I didn’t answer. She’d told me a little about
the blind man’s wife. Her name was Beulah. Beulah! That’s a name for a colored
woman. “Was his wife a Negro?” I asked. “Are you crazy?” my wife said. “Have
you just flipped or something?” She picked up a
potato. I saw it hit the floor, then roll under the stove. “What’s wrong with
you?” she said. “Are you drunk?” “I’m just asking,” I said. Right then my wife
filled me in with more detail than I cared to know. I made a drink and sat at
the kitchen table to listen. Pieces of the story began to fall into place. Beulah
had gone to work for the blind man the summer after my wife had stopped working
for him. Pretty soon Beulah and the blind man had themselves a church wedding.
It was a little wedding—who’d want to go to such a wedding in the first
place?—just the two of them, plus the minister and the minister’s wife. But it
was a church wedding just the same. It was what Beulah had wanted, he’d said.
But even then Beulah must have been carrying the cancer in her glands. After
they had been inseparable for eight years—my wife’s word, inseparable—Beulah’s
health went into a rapid decline. She died in a Seattle hospital room, the blind man sitting
beside the bed and holding on to her hand. They’d married, lived and worked
together, slept together—had sex, sure—and then the blind man had to bury her.
All this without his having ever seen what the goddamned woman looked like. It was
beyond my understanding. Hearing this, I felt sorry for the blind man for a
little bit. And then I found myself thinking what a pitiful life this woman
must have led. Imagine a woman who could never see herself as she was seen in
the eyes of her loved one. A woman who could go on day after day and never
receive the smallest compliment from her beloved. A woman whose husband could
never read the expression on her face, be it misery or something better.
Someone who could wear makeup or not—what difference 4 to him? She could if she
wanted, wear green eye-shadow around one eye, a straight pin in her nostril,
yellow slacks, and purple shoes, no matter. And then to slip off into death,
the blind man’s hand on her hand, his blind eyes streaming tears—I’m imagining
now—her last thought maybe this: that he never even knew what she looked like,
and she on an express to the grave. Robert was left with a small insurance
policy and half of a twenty-peso Mexican coin. The other half of the coin went
into the box with her. Pathetic. So when the time rolled around, my wife went
to the depot to pick him up. With nothing to do but wait—sure, I blamed him for
that—I was having a drink and watching the TV when I heard the car pull into
the drive. I got up from the sofa with my drink and went to the window to have
a look. I saw my wife laughing as she parked the car. I saw her get out of the car
and shut the door. She was still wearing a smile. Just amazing. She went around
to the other side of the car to where the blind man was already starting to get
out. This blind man, feature this, he was wearing a full beard! A beard on a
blind man! Too much, I say. The blind man reached into the backseat and dragged
out a suitcase. My wife took his arm, shut the car door, and, talking all the
way, moved him down the drive and then up the steps to the front porch. I
turned off the TV. I finished my drink, rinsed the glass, dried my hands. Then
I went to the door. My wife said, “I want you to meet Robert. Robert, this is
my husband. I’ve told you all about him.” She was beaming. She had this blind
man by his coat sleeve. The blind man let go of his suitcase and up came his
hand. I took it. He squeezed hard, held my hand, and then he let it go. “I feel
like we’ve already met,” he boomed. “Likewise,” I said. I didn’t know what else
to say. Then I said, “Welcome. I’ve heard a lot about you.” We began to move
then, a little group, from the porch into the living room, my wife guiding him
by the arm. The blind man was carrying his suitcase in his other hand. My wife
said things like, “To your left here, Robert. That’s right. Now watch it,
there’s a chair. That’s it. Sit down right here. This is the sofa. We just
bought this sofa two weeks ago.” I started to say something about the old sofa.
I’d liked that old sofa. But I didn’t say anything. Then I wanted to say
something else, small-talk, about the scenic ride along the Hudson . How going to New
York , you should sit on the right-hand side of the train, and
coming from New York ,
the left-hand side. “Did you have a good train ride?” I said. “Which side of
the train did 5 you sit on, by the way?”
“What a question, which side!” my wife said. “What’s it matter which side?” she
said. “I just asked,” I said. “Right side,” the blind man said. “I hadn’t been
on a train in nearly forty years. Not since I was a kid. With my folks. That’s
been a long time. I’d nearly forgotten the sensation. I have winter in my beard
now, “ he said. “So I’ve been told, anyway. Do I look distinguished, my dear?”
the blind man said to my wife. “You look distinguished, Robert,” she said.
“Robert,” she said. “Robert, it’s just so good to see you.” My wife finally
took her eyes off the blind man and looked at me. I had the feeling she didn’t
like what she saw. I shrugged. I’ve never met, or personally known, anyone who
was blind. This blind man was late forties, a heavy-set, balding man with
stooped shoulders, as if he carried a great weight there. He wore brown slacks,
brown shoes, a light-brown shirt, a tie, a sports coat. Spiffy. He also had
this full beard. But he didn’t use a cane and he didn’t wear dark glasses. I’d
always thought dark glasses were a must for the blind. Fact was, I wish he had
a pair. At first glance, his eyes looked like anyone else’s eyes. But if you
looked close, there was something different about them. Too much white in the
iris, for one thing, and the pupils seemed to move around in the sockets
without his knowing it or being able to stop it. Creepy. As I stared at his
face, I saw the left pupil turn in toward his nose while the other made an
effort to keep in one place. But it was only an effort, for that one eye was on
the roam without his knowing it or wanting it to be. I said, “Let me get you a
drink. What’s your pleasure? We have a little bit of everything. It’s one of
our pastimes.” “Bub, I’m a Scotch man myself,” he said fast enough in this big
voice. “Right,” I said. Bub! “Sure you are. I knew it.” He let his fingers
touch his suitcase, which was sitting alongside the sofa. He was taking his
bearings. I didn’t blame him for that. “I’ll move that up to your room,” my
wife said. “No, that’s fine,” the blind man said loudly. “It can go up when I
go up.” “A little water with the Scotch?” I said. “Very little,” he said. “I
knew it, “ I said. He said, “Just a tad. The Irish actor, Barry Fitzgerald? I’m
like that fellow. When I drink water, Fitzgerald said, I drink water. When I
drink 6 whiskey, I drink whiskey.” My
wife laughed. The blind man brought his hand up under his beard. He lifted his
beard slowly and let it drop. I did the drinks, three big glasses of Scotch
with a splash of water in each. Then we made ourselves comfortable and talked
about Robert’s travels. First the long flight from the West Coast to Connecticut , we covered that.
Then from Connecticut
up here by train. We had another drink concerning that leg of the trip. I
remembered having read somewhere that the blind didn’t smoke because, as
speculation had it, they couldn’t see the smoke they exhaled. I though I knew
that much and that much only about blind people. But this blind man smoked his
cigarette down to the nubbin and then lit another one. This blind man filled
his ashtray and my wife emptied it. When we sat down at the table for dinner,
we had another drink. M wife heaped Robert’s plate with cube steak, scalloped
potatoes, green beans. I buttered him up two slices of bread. I said, “Here’s
bread and butter for you.” I swallowed some of my drink. “Now let us pray,” I
said, and the blind man lowered his head. My wife looked at me, her mouth
agape. “Pray the phone won’t ring and the food doesn’t get cold,” I said. We
dug in. We ate everything there was to eat on the table. We ate like there was
no tomorrow. We didn’t talk. We ate. We scarfed. We grazed the table. We were
into serious eating. The blind man had right away located his foods, he knew
just where everything was on his plate. I watched with admiration as he used
his knife and fork on the meat. He’d cut two pieces of the meat, fork the meat
into his mouth, and then go all out for the scalloped potatoes, the beans next,
and then he’d tear off a hunk of buttered bread and eat that. He’d follow this
up with a big drink of milk. It didn’t seem to bother him to use his fingers
once in a while, either. We finished everything, including half a strawberry
pie. For a few moments, we sat as if stunned. Swear beaded on our faces.
Finally, we got up from the table and left the dirty plates. We didn’t look
back. We took ourselves into the living room and sank into our places again.
Robert and my wife sat on the sofa. I took the big chair. We had us two or
three more drinks while they talked about the major things that had come to
pass for them in the past ten years. For the most part, I just listened. Now
and then I joined in. I didn’t want him to think I’d left the room, and I
didn’t want her to think I was feeling left out. They talked of things that had
happened to them—to them!—these past ten years. I waited in vain to hear my
name on my wife’s sweet lips: “And then my dear husband came into my
life”—something like that. But I heard nothing of the sort. More talk of
Robert. Robert had done a little of everything, it seemed, a regular blind
jack-of-all-trades. But most 7 recently he and his wife had had an Amway distributorship,
from which, I gathered, they’d earned a living, such as it was. The blind man
was also a ham radio operator. He talked in his loud voice about conversations
he’d had with fellow operators in Guam, in the Philippines ,
in Alaska , and even in Tahiti .
He said he’d have a lot of friends there if her ever wanted to go visit those
places. From time to time, he’d turn his blind face toward me, put his hand
under his beard, ask me something. How long had I been in my present position?
(Three years.) Did I like my work? (I didn’t.) Was I going to stay with it?
(What were the options?) Finally, when I thought he was beginning to run down,
I got up and turned on the TV. My wife looked at me with irritation. She was
heading toward a boil. Then she looked at the blind man and said, “Robert, do
you have a TV?” The blind man said, “My dear, I have two TVs. I have a color
set and a black-and-white thing, an old relic. It’s funny, but if I turn the TV
on, and I’m always turning it on, I turn on the color set. It’s funny, don’t
you think?” I didn’t know what to say to that. I had absolutely nothing to say
to that. No opinion. So I watched the news program and tried to listen to what the
announcer was saying. “This is a color TV,” the blind man said. “Don’t ask me
how, but I can tell.” “We traded up a while ago,” I said. The blind man had
another taste of his drink. He lifted his beard, sniffed it, and let it fall.
He leaned forward on the sofa. He positioned his ashtray on the coffee table,
then put the lighter to his cigarette. He leaned back on the sofa and crossed
his legs at the ankles. My wife covered her mouth, and then she yawned. She
stretched. She said, “I think I’ll go upstairs and put on my robe. I think I’ll
change into something else. Robert, you make yourself comfortable,” she said. “I’m
comfortable,” the blind man said. “I want you to feel comfortable in this
house,” she said. “I am comfortable,” the blind man said. After she’d left the
room, he and I listened to the weather report and then to the sports roundup.
By that time, she’d been gone so long I didn’t know if she was going to come
back. I thought she might have gone to bed. I wished she’d come back
downstairs. I didn’t want to be left alone with a blind man. I asked him if he
wanted another drink, and he said sure. Then I asked if he wanted to smoke some
dope with me. I said I’d just rolled a number. I hadn’t, but I planned to do so
in about two shakes. 8 “I’ll try some with you,” he said. “Damn right,” I said.
“That’s the stuff.” I got our drinks and sat down on the sofa with him. Then I
rolled us two fat numbers. I lit one and passed it. I brought it to his
fingers. He took it and inhaled. “Hold it as long as you can,” I said. I could
tell he didn’t know the first thing. My wife came back downstairs wearing her
pink robe and her pink slippers. “What do I smell?” she said. “We thought we’d
have us some cannabis,” I said. My wife gave me a savage look. Then she looked
at the blind man and said, “Robert, I didn’t know you smoked.” He said, “I do
now, my dear. There’s a first time for everything. But I don’t feel anything
yet.” “This stuff is pretty mellow,” I said. “This stuff is mild. It’s dope you
can reason with,” I said. “It doesn’t mess you up.” “Not much it doesn’t, bub,”
he said, and laughed. My wife sat on the sofa between the blind man and me. I
passed her the number. She took it and toked and then passed it back to me.
“Which way is this going?” she said. Then she said, “I shouldn’t be smoking
this. I can hardly keep my eyes open as it is. That dinner did me in. I
shouldn’t have eaten so much.” “It was the strawberry pie,” the blind man said.
“That’s what did it,” he said, and he laughed his big laugh. Then he shook his
head. “There’s more strawberry pie,” I said. “Do you want some more, Robert?”
my wife said. “Maybe in a little while,” he said. We gave our attention to the
TV. My wife yawned again. She said, “Your bed is made up when you feel like
going to bed, Robert. I know you must have had a long day. When you’re ready to
go to bed, say so.” She pulled his arm. “Robert?” He came to and said, “I’ve
had a real nice time. This beats tapes, doesn’t it?” I said, “Coming at you,”
and I put the number between his fingers. He inhaled, held the smoke, and then
let it go. It was like he’d been doing this since he was nine years old. “Thanks,
bub,” he said. “But I think this is all for me. I think I’m beginning to feel
it,” he said. He held the burning roach out for my wife. “Same here,” she said.
“Ditto. Me, too.” She took the roach and 9 passed it to me. “I may just sit here for a
while between you two guys with my eyes closed. But don’t let me bother you,
okay? Either one of you. If it bothers you, say so. Otherwise, I may just sit
here with my eyes closed until you’re ready to go to bed,” she said. “Your
bed’s made up, Robert, when you’re ready. It’s right next to our room at the
top of the stairs. We’ll show you up when you’re ready. You wake me up now, you
guys, if I fall asleep.” She said that and then she closed her eyes and went to
sleep. The news program ended. I got up and changed the channel. I sat back down
on the sofa. I wished my wife hadn’t pooped out. Her head lay across the back
of the sofa, her mouth open. She’d turned so that he robe had slipped away from
her legs, exposing a juicy thigh. I reached to draw her robe back over her, and
it was then that I glanced at the blind man. What the hell! I flipped the robe
open again. “You say you when you want some strawberry pie,” I said. “I will,”
he said. I said, “Are you tired? Do you want me to take you up to your bed? Are
you ready to hit the hay?” “Not yet,” he said. “No, I’ll stay up with you, bub.
If that’s all right. I’ll stay up until you’re ready to turn in. We haven’t had
a chance to talk. Know what I mean? I feel like me and her monopolized the
evening. “ He lifted his beard and he let it fall. He picked up his cigarettes
and his lighter. “That’s all right,” I said. Then I said, “I’m glad for the
company.” And I guess I was. Every night I smoked dope and stayed up as long as
I could before I fell asleep. My wife and I hardly ever went to bed at the same
time. When I did go to sleep, I had these dreams. Sometimes I’d wake up from
one of them, my heart going crazy. Something about the church and the Middle
Ages was on the TV. Not your run-of-the-mill TV fare. I wanted to watch
something else. I turned to the other channels. But there was nothing on them,
either. So I turned back to the first channel and apologized. “Bub, it’s all
right,” the blind man said. “It’s fine with me. Whatever you want to watch is
okay. I’m always learning something. Learning never ends. It won’t hurt me to
learn something tonight. I got ears,” he said. We didn’t say anything for a
time. He was leaning forward with his head turned at me, his right ear aimed in
the direction of the set. Very disconcerting. Now and then his eyelids drooped
and then they snapped open again. Now and then he put his fingers into his
beard and tugged, like he was thinking about something he was hearing on the
television. 10 On the screen, a group of men wearing cowls was being set upon
and tormented by men dressed in skeleton costumes and men dressed as devils. The
men dressed as devils wore devil masks, horns, and long tails. This pageant was
part of a procession. The Englishman who was narrating the thing said it took
place in Spain
once a year. I tried to explain to the blind man what was happening. “Skeletons,”
he said. “I know about skeletons,” he said, and he nodded. The TV showed this
one cathedral. Then there was a long, slow look at another one. Finally, the
picture switched to the famous one in Paris ,
with its flying buttresses and its spires reaching up to the clouds. The camera
pulled away to show the whole of the cathedral rising above the skyline. There
were times when the Englishman who was telling the thing would shut up, would
simply let the camera move around over the cathedrals. Or else the camera would
tour the countryside, men in fields walking behind oxen. I waited as long as I
could. Then I felt I had to say something. I said, “They’re showing the outside
of this cathedral now. Gargoyles. Little statues carved to look like monsters.
Now I guess they’re in Italy .
Yeah, they’re in Italy .
There’s paintings on the walls of this one church.” “Are those fresco painting,
bub?” he asked, and he sipped from his drink. I reached for my glass. But it
was empty. I tried to remember what I could remember. “You’re asking me are
those frescoes?” I said. “That’s a good question. I don’t know.” The camera
moved to a cathedral outside Lisbon .
The difference in the Portugese cathedral compared with the French and Italian
were not that great. But they were there. Mostly the interior stuff. Then
something occurred to me, and I said, “Something has occurred to me. Do you
have any idea what a cathedral is? What they look like, that is? Do you follow
me? If somebody says cathedral to you, do you have any notion what they’re talking
about? Do you the difference between that and a Baptist church, say?” He let
the smoke dribble from his mouth. “I know they took hundreds of workers fifty
or a hundred years to build,” he said. “I just heard the man say that, of
course. I know generations of the same families worked on a cathedral. I heard
him say that, too. The men who began their life’s work on them, they never
lived to see the completion of their work. In that wise, bub, they’re no
different from the rest of us, right?” He laughed. Then his eyelids drooped
again. His head nodded. He seemed to be snoozing. Maybe he was 11 imagining
himself in Portugal .
The TV was showing another cathedral now. This one was in Germany . The Englishman’s voice
droned on. “Cathedrals,” the blind man said. He sat up and rolled his head back
and forth. “If you want the truth, bub, that’s about all I know. What I just
said. What I heard him say. But maybe you could describe one to me? I wish
you’d do it. I’d like that. If you want to know, I really don’t have a good
idea.” I stared hard at the shot of the cathedral on the TV. How could I even begin
to describe it? But say my life depended on it. Say my life was being threatened
by an insane guy who said I had to do it or else. I stared some more at the
cathedral before the picture flipped off into the countryside. There was no
use. I turned to the blind man and said, “To begin with, they’re very tall.” I
was looking around the room for clues. “They reach way up. Up and up. Toward
the sky. They’re so big, some of them, they have to have these supports. To
help hold them up, so to speak. These supports are called buttresses. They remind
of viaducts, for some reason. But maybe you don’t know viaducts, either?
Sometimes the cathedrals have devils and such carved into the front. Sometimes
lords and ladies. Don’t ask me why this is,” I said. He was nodding. The whole
upper part of his body seemed to be moving back and forth. “I’m not doing so
good, am I?” I said. He stopped nodding and leaned forward on the edge of the
sofa. As he listened to me, he was running his fingers through his beard. I
wasn’t getting through to him, I could see that. But he waited for me to go on
just the same. He nodded, like he was trying to encourage me. I tried to think
what else to say. “They’re really big,” I said. They’re massive. They’re built
of stone. Marble, too, sometimes. In those olden days, when they built
cathedrals, men wanted to be close to God. In those olden days, God was an
important part of everyone’s life. You could tell this from their
cathedral-building. I’m sorry,” I said, “but it looks like that’s the best I
can do for you. I’m just no good at it.” “That’s all right, bub,” the blind man
said. “Hey, listen. I hope you don’t mind my asking you. Can I ask you
something? Let me ask you a simple question, yes or no. I’m just curious and
there’s no offense. You’re my host. But let me ask if you are in any way
religious? You don’t mind my asking?” I shook my head. He couldn’t see that,
though. A wink is the same as a nod to a blind man. “I guess I don’t believe in
it. In anything. Sometimes it’s hard. You know what I’m saying?” “Sure, I do,”
he said. 12 “Right,” I said. The Englishman was still holding forth. My wife
sighed in her sleep. She drew a long breath and went on with her sleeping. “You’ll
have to forgive me,” I said. “But I can’t tell you what a cathedral looks like.
It just isn’t in me to do it. I can’t do any more than I’ve done.” The blind
man sat very still, his head down, as he listened to me. I said, “The truth is,
cathedrals don’t mean anything special to me. Nothing. Cathedrals. They’re
something to look at on late-night TV. That’s all they are.” It was then that
the blind man cleared his throat. He brought something up. He took a
handkerchief from his back pocket. Then he said, “I get it, bub. It’s okay. It
happens. Don’t worry about it,” he said. “Hey, listen to me. Will you do me a
favor? I got an idea. Why don’t you find us some heavy paper? And a pen. We’ll
do something. We’ll draw one together. Get us a pen and some heavy paper. Go
on, bub, get the stuff,” he said. So I went upstairs. My legs felt like they
didn’t have any strength in them. They felt like they did after I’d done some
running. In my wife’s room, I looked around. I found some ballpoints in a
little basket on her table. And then I tried to think where to look for the
kind of paper he was talking about. Downstairs, in the kitchen, I found a
shopping bag with onion skins in the bottom of the bag. I emptied the bag and
shook it. I brought it into the living room and sat down with it near his legs.
I moved some things, smoothed the wrinkles from the bag, spread it out on the
coffee table. The blind man got down from the sofa and sat next to me on the carpet.
He ran his fingers over the paper. He went up and down the sides of the paper.
The edges, even the edges. He fingered the corners. “All right,” he said. “All
right, let’s do her.” He found my hand, the hand with the pen. He closed his
hand over my hand. “Go ahead, bub, draw,” he said. “Draw. You’ll see. I’ll
follow along with you. It’ll be okay. Just begin now like I’m telling you.
You’ll see. Draw,” the blind man said. So I began. First I drew a box that
looked like a hose. It could have been the house I lived in. Then I put a roof
on it. At either end of the roof, I drew spires. Crazy. “Swell,” he said.
“Terrific. You’re doing fine,” he said. “Never thought anything like this could
happen in your lifetime, did you, bub? Well, it’s a strange life, we all know
that. Go on now. Keep it up.” 13 I put in windows with arches. I drew flying
buttresses. I hung great doors. I couldn’t stop. The TV station went off the
air. I put down the pen and closed and opened my fingers. The blind man felt
around over the paper. He moved the tips of the fingers over the paper, all
over what I had drawn, and he nodded. “Doing fine,” the blind man said. I took
up the pen again, and he found my hand. I kept at it. I’m no artist. But I kept
drawing just the same. My wife opened up her eyes and gazed at us. She sat up
on the sofa, her robe hanging open. She said, “What are you doing? Tell me, I
want to know.” I didn’t answer her. The blind man said, “We’re drawing a
cathedral. Me and him are working on it. Press hard,” he said to me. “That’s
right. That’s good,” he said. “Sure. You got it, bub. I can tell. You didn’t
think you could. But you can, can’t you? You’re cooking with gas now. You know
what I’m saying? We’re going to really have us something here in a minute.
How’s the old arm?” he said. “Put some people in there now. What’s a cathedral
without people?” My wife said, “What’s going on? Robert, what are you doing?
What’s going on?” “It’s all right,” he said to her. “Close your eyes now,” the
blind man said to me. I did it. I closed them just like he said. “Are they
closed?” he said. “Don’t fudge.” “They’re closed,” I said. “Keep them that
way,” he said. He said, “Don’t stop now. Draw.” So we kept on with it. His
fingers rode my fingers as my hand went over the paper. It was like nothing
else in my life up to now. Then he said, “I think that’s it. I think you got
it,” he said. “Take a look. What do you think?” But I had my eyes closed. I
thought I’d keep them that way for a little longer. I thought it was something
I ought to do. “Well?” he said. “Are you looking?” My eyes were still closed. I
was in my house. I knew that. But I didn’t feel like I was inside anything. “It’s
really something,” I said.
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